Sunday, December 18
you said this song was for me: when i'm gone.
[Intro]YeahIt’s my life But all in words I guess [Verse 1] Have you ever loved someone so much you’d give an arm for?Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?When they know they are your heartAnd you know you are their armourAnd you will destroy anyone who will try to harm herBut what happens when karma turns right around and bites youAnd everything you stand for turns on you to spite youWhat happens when you become the main source of her pain“Daddy look what I made?”“Dad’s gotta go catch a plane”“Daddy where’s mummy? I can’t find mummy, where is she?”I don’t know, go play, Hailie baby your daddy’s busy.Daddy’s writin’a song, this song ain’t gon’ write itselfI give you one underdog, then you gotta swing by yourselfThen to write a rhyme in a song and tell her you love herAnd put hands on her mother who’s a spittin’ image of herThat’s slim shady, yeah baby slim shady’s crazyShady made me, but tonight, Shady’s rock-a-by baby[Chorus] [x2]And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voiceJust know that I’m lookin’ down on you smilingAnd I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back[Verse 2]I keep havin’ this dream – I’m pushin’ hailie on the swings she keeps screamin’She don’t want me to sing, “You’re makin mummy cry, why, why’s mummy crying?”Baby, Daddy ain’t leavin’ no more,“Daddy you’re lying,You always say that, you always say this is the last time,but you ain’t leavin’ no more, Daddy you’re mine!”She’s piling boxes infront of the door tryin’ to block it,“Daddy please daddy don’t leave daddy no, stop it!”Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket, it’s got a picture,“This’ll keep you safe daddy, take it with you”I look up, it’s just me standin in the mirror, these fucking walls must be talkin coz man I can hear ‘emThey sayin you got one more chance to do right, and it’s tonight,Now go out there and show ‘em that you love ‘em ‘fore its too lateAnd just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door it turns to a stage, they’re goneAnd the spotlight is on and I’m singin…[Chorus] [x2]And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voiceJust know that I’m lookin’ down on you smilingAnd I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back[Verse 3]Sixty thousand people, all jumpin’ out their seatThe curtain closes, they’re throwing roses at my feetI take a bow, “and thank you all for comin’ out”They’re screamin so loud, I take one last look at the crowdI glance down, I don’t believe what I’m seein’,“Daddy it’s me! Help mummy her wrists are bleedin’”But baby we’re in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?!“I followed you daddy, you told me that you wern’t leavinYou lied to me dad, and now you make mummy sadAnd I bought you this coinIt says ‘number 1 dad’, that’s all I wantedI just wanna give you this coinI get the point, fine, me and mummy are goin”But baby wait-“its too late dad, you made your choice. Now go out there and show ‘em you love ‘em more than usThat’s what they wantThey want you Marshall, they keep screamin your name, it’s no wonder you can’t go to sleepJust take another fuckin pill, yeah i bet ya you willYou rap about it. Yeah word, ke-keep it real”I hear applause, all this time I couldn’t seeHow could it be that the curtain is closing on meI turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it, put it to my brain, scream ‘Die Shady!’ and pop it The sky darkens, my life flashes, The plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashesThat’s when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin',There’s birds singin’, it’s spring andHailie’s out side swingin’I walk right up to Kim and kiss her, tell her I miss herHailie just smiles and winks at her little sister, almost as if to say-[Chorus] [x2]And when I’m gone, just carry on don’t mourn,rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voiceJust know that I’m lookin’ down on you smilingAnd I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain, just smile back.
1:32 PM
Tuesday, December 13
was another day that i'm so excited to meet hima nd see what's going on and all. those lil suprises he'll give me and all. it was all ordinary till the afternoon that came so dreadful and screwed.
i was merely upset that he deleted his picture from my phone. and i show that i was angry. okay, i guess that was my fault. but i did tell him that i was sorry bout wad happened and all. so many countless times. but he hung up on me with just two words "i'm sorry."
is that all i deserve? two words? im being so patient in this whole thang through the past months, yet... sighs. i don't know la. from the start i realised i've never really understood what you were thinking. cause at times in this, and in a split second, it's another thing. another that. so wad is it?
i never knew. i never thought, i never was told. and so was it me fumbling alone? being ostracized, ALONE? or was it you!?! you leaving me all alone? what is it?
i never believe in fate or luck. any of those sort. i always believe everyone is made by God's love. i hate to take things in a negative way. likewise, to this. and so, i know that everything done or undone if not compared to the multitudes in heaven. yes, i'm upset and fretting over all these stuffies. but why am i getting myself feeling so drowny when i have you, Lord. i have my family and friends too.
whatever the case. i don't wish to think bout it now. tomorrow's gonna be the last chance. one it's over, it's GONE!
8:36 PM
Sunday, December 11
how can sheim!
sheim is a mixture of she+him=sheim. anyways. that's just crap. man, my phone just died on me this MORNING! oh my rein deer! how can sheim la!!! i was pissed pressing the start button for half and hour. and irritatingly, the phone left me all ostracized ALONE! ugh.
mummy told me that my cousin gave us her LG phone months ago. she barely used it. and it looks so new. i mean, BRAND NEW! alright, there was indeed a little excitement in the NEW phone la. but c'mon. my 150 contacts left saved in my panasonic phone's gone. and now i only have the 250 contacts that are saved in my sim card. so people, if you guys read this, do drop me a sms, yes? and tell me who you are too. cause i can't remember some of ya numbers too. sorry guys.
okay, so i went to town today with my family and my aunt and 2 cousins. bought stuff for my siblings, and TOMORROW we're going SHOPPING for our stuffs! *yay!* haha. and we got stuck on the road for an hour la. gawsh. im in my cousin's place now. and i gotta go. she wanna use the comp, and i need ta bathe. haha. oops!
oh and sms me, people!
10:25 PM
Saturday, December 10
cornerstone
cornerstone church camp 2005 ended today.
to my abba father:
thank you Lord for revealing to us so much of what L.I.F.E. is all about and all. and for a safe trip from Desaru Pulai, Kota Tinggi, back here, to Singapore. praise you Lord for your marvellous works amongst us the past four days and showing us how much we meant to you. ((:
alrights. bout the camp, it was G-R-E-A-T! haha. serious. had all the fun and the BEST thing was that God never fail to be there with us. each of us felt him and his presence. the holy spirit working in us so powerfully.
lets see. the grosses thang in the camp were the games i guess. games under " wet wet soap" was awfully disgusting! we played with raw eggs passing 'em through water hoses, scooping sea water in cups with our mouths and transporting toothpaste with our faces, necks, hands, knees and feets! YUCK! gross-out so much. but we all still played. had loades of fun and bonding between our teams and the other teams. ((x
"chronicles of the kings" was pretty alright. i was the QUEEN of the GREEN nation la. haha. no one expected it. cause i guess i was such a slacker in that game. haha. i just took the responsibility of making the sandcastles. it was AWESOME! gawsh! ((;
the sermons were great too! so inspiring. and the worship that led all of us into a time of HIS. and i love you, LORD.
and a BIG thank you to the camp committee, worship team, and for all the campers that made the camp possible! you go people!
and to all EL-ROI members:
you all definately did a great job by encouraging each other, and man, i miss you guys. remember that HE's our God that sees. EL-ROI he is. our Jehovah Jireh.
10:12 PM
Thursday, December 1
1st December, that is.
it's so boring at home. man, trust me. i seriously agree more on going to school or out to town than staying at home. but i gotta go for jab later. i think it's the hepatitis jab. i had one in june and i'm suppose to go back again today. 1st December, that is.
waiting for his call. it's taking him long. anyway, my house so crowded. with all the small kids. boys; talking of gaming stuff which i don't wish to know. the girls; whereas, they are playing their barbie dolls, and playing pretend. oh how i miss childhood. when i was trouble-free. also, i was playing with my cousins, having all the fun and laughter. playing pretend and some really childish games la. was so cute then.
seeing how the girls play really do remind of childhood, and how i was last time. and here i am, now, sitting in front of the computer blogging this! man, i've seen how much i grew.
well, everyone did. ((:
11:03 AM
